Independent Investigations
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I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK


It seems as if there are quite a few people voicing their displeasure with the current state of the country.  You have probably seen video of individuals stepping to the microphone at a recent town hall meeting and loudly proclaiming their unhappiness with the current state of affairs and uttering something about wanting their country back.

Obviously these individuals feel that they had possession of the country and somehow they lost it.  Someone or something has pried their fingers off of it and run off with that which belonged to them. I suspect we have a pretty clear case of larceny.

 The authorities have been alerted to the fact that someone has taken illegal possession of the 50 States.  (49 for the selective group of individuals in North Carolina who don’t believe Hawaii is part of the union). Once the stolen item has been found, there will have to be a trial where evidence is presented.

 The first thing that will have to be proven is that the stolen item is indeed the exact same item that was taken from those who filed the police report.  There is no serial number that we can use to determine if the item is the one stolen. There will have to be extensive testing performed on the item to determine its identity. With the increase in the use of DNA testing as of late, I don’t think identification will be all that difficult.  After all, DNA doesn’t lie.  No two countries have the exact same DNA.  All we have to do is find a country, do DNA testing and check the results for a match.  But before they begin the search, authorities must determine the DNA profile of the country they are looking for.

 Upon further investigation, it has been discovered that there is a DNA profile already on file for the missing country.  There are literally thousands of very distinct markers in this profile. The more markers match up, the more accurate the identification.   Here is a preliminary list of markers currently on file for the missing country.

 Marker #1 – the country was being governed by a Caucasian male, from a wealthy family, with a past history that involved governing the State of Texas.

 Marker #2 – the country’s second in command is an older Caucasian gentleman with a history of service in various branches of government who tends to be overbearing and dominates the flow of ideas and usually gets his way. 

 Marker #3 – the legislative branch of the country is dominated by those with a conservative ideology, who bow to the pressure exerted by the executive branch and refuse to provide constitutionally mandated oversight on the executive branch.

 Marker #4 – power and influence within the legislative branch shifted dramatically about half way through the governing period to a more progressive group who basically had that “deer in the headlights” look and were not effective.

 Marker #5 – the inner workings of the executive branch seemed to be dominated by efforts to maintain power at the expense of individual rights.

 Marker #6 – the executive branch received ample warning of an impending attack and did not heed the warnings.  At the time of the warnings, full attention was being given towards finding ways to convince the country that the real danger was lurking elsewhere.  Failure to pay attention to the legitimate threat resulted in a horrific loss of life and the beginning of a rage-filled response against the perceived culprits.

 Marker #7 – the executive branch determined that constitutionally mandated oversight from the legislative branch was counter-productive and impeded their progress. 

 Marker #8 – the people of the country had their personal rights trampled on without their knowledge as the executive branch used illegal and invasive programs under the guise of protecting the country.

 Marker #9 – the actions of the country’s secretive spy agency contributed an unparalleled and inaccurate misinformation campaign to convince the country of the presence of significant danger and threat of attack from a country that had nothing to do with the afore mentioned horrific loss of life.  A separate “more accurate” investigative action was originated, while legitimate professional opinion was ignored.

 Marker #10 – the leadership of the country’s defense organization ignored the advice of professional warriors and implemented an invasion plan that resulted in unnecessary loss of over 4000 of the country’s brightest and best, while inflating the cost and the duration of the conflict.

 Marker #11 – the organization with the responsibility to enforce the country’s laws evolved into an organization used to rid the executive branch of it’s perceived enemies and maintain power for those currently leading the country.

 Marker #12 – the country’s wealthiest individuals received unprecedented relief from their tax burdens at the expense of others who were not so well off.

 Marker #13 – businesses that provide for the country’s energy needs experienced incredibly high profit margins as a result of special favors granted by the executive branch.

 Marker #14 – lack of oversight and regulation contributed to the collapse of the country’s financial market, contributing to an economy that teetered on the brink of collapse.

 Marker #15 –  the country’s long standing ban on torture was overturned as the executive branch used highly questionable legal analysis to justify treatment of it’s enemies in ways that are at odds with the Geneva Conventions resulting in a loss of good will and world opinion.

 Marker #16 – the concept of Habeas Corpus was dismissed as the country’s captured combatants were placed in a prison, on foreign soil,  where the laws designed to protect the rights of the accused would not have to be obeyed. 

 Marker #17 – some of the country’s most prestigious press organizations were fed dubious and inaccurate stories by the executive branch for the purpose of justifying the invasion of a country that had nothing to do with the battle being waged.

 Marker #17 – right-wing radio entertainers were encouraged by the executive branch and their followers to brand any and all who disagree with their restrictive and oppressive thinking as Un-American.

 Marker #18 – the hidden identity of an individual toiling in the country’s secret spy organization was revealed through the actions of the executive branch. The aforementioned hidden identity was revealed in an effort to debunk written statements by the same individuals’ spouse that called into question the legitimacy of the executive branch’s march to an unnecessary war.

 Marker #19 – the country’s educational establishment was forced to implement the “no child left behind” program thrust upon them by the executive branch without proper funding, resulting in chaos within the system.

 Marker #20 – the country’s executive branch exhibited gross misconduct as one of the country’s fine Southern cities flooded, resulting in unnecessary loss of life and property.

 Marker #21 – the executive branch combined with the conservative dominated legislative branch to move the country’s financial standing from one of unprecedented surplus to one with 1.3 trillion dollars of debt.

 Marker #22 – property values of the populace plummeted and huge numbers of individuals lost their equity and their properties to foreclosure.

 Marker #23 – the executive and legislative branches of government made no attempt to improve delivery and costs of health care in spite of the increasing burden it placed on the populace.  Their lack of effort was made even more damaging because of successful efforts to block previous health care legislation offered by the prior administration

 Marker #24 – warriors from the country quickly and decisively defeated their foes driving them from their safe haven. Unfortunately these same warriors were used to fight in another country whose actions had no connection to attacks on the homeland. Eventually, the enemy in the first country returned in numbers that required a second influx of warriors resulting in further loss of life.

 Marker #25 – the presence of Markers 1 through 24 contributed heavily to the removal of members of the executive and legislative branch in such numbers as to repudiate the party in power and give their political opposites a chance to restore the country to its prior condition.

 After significant investigative efforts by those charged with finding the missing item, a remarkable discovery has been made.  It has been determined that there is no item that matches the missing item.  It seems that the item has rapidly evolved and many of the markers that would help identify the original item have changed.

 Those of you looking for your missing country are now faced with the very real probability that you will never find your original.  The original is in the process of being rebuilt with its own set of markers.  The new markers are more responsive to the needs of the people and more closely aligned with original intent of those that designed the country in the first place.  The investigation has been discontinued.

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